Fellow blogger, Jessica Torres, posted a blog the other day that gave me one of my biggest "aha moments" ever.
I follow her account on Instagram and she had on the gorgeous black mesh tshirt dress with colorful embroidered flowers on the front. I clicked on her blog link to find out where she found the dress because I too am getting ready for a girls trip soon and am on the hunt for cute dresses. I had no intention of fully reading her post because I was in a hurry and I just wanted to know about the dress.
But the title of her post caught my attention: "Fuck Flattering...". (Talk about attention grabbing.) So then I had to read. I was confused because I didn't understand what she meant. Did she not think the dress was flattering?! Because, ugh...it was amazing! It hit right above the knee, she paired it with some cute af sunnies and some fun pink tennies.
As I read, I realized she was talking about the boxy shape of the dress. It isn't the type of dress that hugs your curves or as she says, gives you an illusion of an hourglass figure. And she goes on to say it's taken her work and will continue to take work to get out of the mindset that flattering means those things. She talks about how with that mindset, we limit ourselves to dress styles.
And I was like, "yeaahhhhh girrrrl!" at every one of her points because I totally agree.
But then yesterday morning I had my "aha moment" when I put on my grey slouchy jumpsuit I got from ASOS last year. I hardly wear it because it's so slouchy and when I do, I add a belt of some sort and pull it up so the extra fabric lays over/hides the belt. It brings the legs up so it lays in the normal crotch area and takes away some of the boxy-style of the jumpsuit. I did that yesterday before I took my little cousins to their soccer games and as I was sitting on the back of my SUV, I realized I was so uncomfortable because the belt was digging into my sides and the shoulder straps kept falling off my shoulders and it was just annoying. So, I took the belt off and let the jumpsuit fall where it was supposed to. I planned to put it back on before we left, I just needed a break from it. But then I scrolled through my Instagram feed and saw Jessica in that dress again and I remembered that title: "Fuck Flattering..." and my little mind went "ohhhhh yeahhhhh!"
How was it perfectly fine for me to agree with this blogger when it came to her outfit, but be against it when it came to mine? Her and I actually have very similar body shapes, so in reality, if I think a dress or whatever looks bangin on her, high chances, it will look the same on me. It's just so funny that we see such a different image of ourselves than we do of other people.
The mind is such a powerful thing and we let our own control so much of ourselves. While I never had someone give me shapewear as a teen, as sadly Torres did, I did have someone who would tell me to "fluff up my shirt" (put wrinkles in it to hide my belly line). And while I don't blame this person for giving me the idea that beauty came after we hid our stomachs, I do wonder who inflicted that thought in their brain and made them feel they needed to do the same.
But then according to all the expert fashion people, often referred to as "they", (..."they say do this"..."they say do that"....blah blah blah...) plus-sized women should also not cover their bellies too much, so as to not have a shape at all. And that's where we all get confused. Do I cover my belly line? Do I let it all hang out? Or do I just say, fuck it and do it all?!
And yesterday morning, I said fuck it. I did what felt comfortable to me! I wore the outfit as the designer intended it to be worn and I felt so free. Not just because I took the side-pinching belt off either! I was free because I let what "they" say go and wore the outfit for me! I didn't worry if I looked flattering, because I'm slowly figuring out that flattering comes with mindset and feeling...not the actual fit.
***Note: To see Torres' blog post, go here.